I’d Rather Not Tell You How I Feel

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I know exactly how it feels like to have a crush on someone. I know the feeling of the what they call as butterlies in our stomach whenever we see our crush coming our way. It’s the same excitement as hearing the news that you’re graduating after 4 years in college. But the feeling of excitement i nothing when he doesn’t know that you like him. Worse, you can’t tell him because you’re friends and friendship is till more important than being labeled as together. Hence, I’d like to think that even if I am not the best person to write about it, I’d still tell you how it feels like to be in-love with someone who doesn’t know.

Hey friend who I have a crush on;

How are you doing? I’ve heard that you’ve been sick these past few days, I hope you’re getting better now and I am sincerely hoping that you’ll wish for me to get better soon. Because yes, just like you, I am sick too.

I don’t know when it really started but, I develop feelings for you even when I have a lot of things to do – work, blog, family, and myself. Even with all those, you are still one of my priorities and you just happened. You happened but, no “us” happened.

God knows that I am a super chill girl that’s too outspoken and so loud. I always say wha I want to say and open myself to everyone when it comes to how I feel. But why am I suddenly enclosing myself to all the people around me – even to you? Why am I keeping all these secrets to myself? Why can I not tell you how I feel? Isn’t it ironic?

For my 21 years of existence, I have had my heart broken for a lot of times now. I know it sucks but, who cares? Prepping your heart to be broken is part of loving and engaging yourself into a relationship. It’ part of growing up. But even if I have had myself prepped up for another love story, I can’t help but guard my heart and just not tell you how I feel. Because why will I? You are in-love with someone – that is not me. You are in-love with a girl – that is not me. And why will I? We are friends for Pete’s sake and I’d rather have us stay to that. We can’t be more than that, I know.

Hence, I will not chase you. I will not tell you how I feel. I will not disgust you with all the words I have been meaning to tell you. And no, I am not going to sacrifice our friendship just for “US” to happen. Though I have been wishing I could be where you are right now, I still can’t help but fight the urge to just stay where I am – in this secluded world of mine.

I know that this love story of US is just a one-way street and what else could be worse than this? Nothing. Just like us, nothing will happen. You’re currently in a relationship with her and trust me, she’s like won a lottery and please tell her that. My love for you is pretty predictable – I like you and you can’t like me back. That’s just it. That’s why there’s nothing better than not letting you know how I feel because we’re never going to be together, US will never happen. So, I’d rather not tell you how I feel.

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