Hey! How are you? Did I not tell you that I will miss you? Did I not tell you I’m going to end up shattered if you leave me? Did I not tell you I was hurt when you’ve decided to let go with whatever it is that we started? Did I not warn you that when we part ways we’re no longer going to be who we used to be? Did I not tell you?
I have always been with you – through your ups and your downs and you’ve always taken me for granted. You have always thought that whatever it is that you try to tell me, I will stay. Because why will I not? I have stayed long enough to just let go, right?
Your girls might have not tolerated you for this long but, I did. I’ve accepted all your flaws and your past because I cared enough. I’ve been so strong to endure the pain because you said I was different. That I was not like the rest. You could’ve thought that I was strong but what you didn’t know was that I was strong because I wanted to hold on to us even when you didn’t really care enough. I stayed even when my whole being said that I shouldn’t.
I have stayed for too long and have been so strong because you were my source of strength. The way I look into your eyes and the way you smile, it makes me so damn strong. But what you didn’t know is that these are the very same reasons why I cry myself to sleep.
And if you want to know how you’ll miss me, carry on reading…
I will be the first one to leave but, you won’t notice it. You will never know I left because you never really cared. But, you will learn to value my presence when I’m gone. My silence and absence will make you appreciate me but it will be too late. We could have had something great but you never thought about it because you made me feel like trash that I had to leave.
I was always yours eventhough you were never mine to begin with. But even the strongest girl will get tired of waiting. I am emotionally exhausted which made me leave.
But trust me if I tell you that I didn’t really want to leave. If you would’ve assured me what we were going through, maybe, just maybe, I would’ve stayed. But, you didn’t. You told me to enjoy whatever it is that we had at that moment. You told me YOLO because that is what you’re good at, just going with the flow. But she’s different.
So, I have to get into my sense and leave even if I don’t really want to.
And slowly, you’ll notice that I’m no longer the top person on your messenger. I’m no longer the person who will send you links of articles for you to read and ponder. The way I looked for a topic just so we can start a conversation will be replaced with silence. That is when you’ll realize, I AM REALLY GONE.
You will now be the first one to send a message and it will take me long to reply. You will now be the first one to say I miss you and I will just say Thank You. You will have a taste of your own medicine. You have to realize that these are just some of the things that I had to endure for so long.
And when the moment comes that you realize that you might have lost me, you will then realize how almost everything reminds you of me.
You will then look for reasons to talk to me just like how I did before. If you’ve accomplished someting, you will miss telling me your achievements. And when you failed, you will miss my listening ears. Days will turn into weeks and you will be left wondering as to when will we be seeing each other again.
Everything you thought that was annoying – the way I pester you every now and then to check whether you’re doing fine or not, the way I ask if have you eaten, or even when I ask if you’ve fallen asleep when we’re texting – you will realize now that I only cared.
This is going to be the moment you will realize how strong I was to loving you even when you did not love me back the way I deserved to be loved.
You will now look for the right words to tell me.
I left not because I don’t love you anymore but because you didn’t aske me to stay and it took you too long to realize that I am gone.
One day, we will look at each other across a room, in silence.